


Why He Allows It- A Journey Into Crowley's Psyche

by ballisticSquid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Backstory, Characters feelings, F/M, Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 14:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10832793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ballisticSquid/pseuds/ballisticSquid
Summary: I wanted to clear up maybe why Crowley was being manipulated in Season 10. In my opinion he let it happen. I wanted to write something based off my thoughts about it.To make it clear I do NOT ship Rowena or Crowley. I just tagged it like that because I'm dumb.





	Why He Allows It- A Journey Into Crowley's Psyche

There she goes again. Putting words in his mouth. Sulking. Pretending it’s his fault. He knows what she’s doing. But he lets her. When he’s alone he sometimes asks himself why he lets his mother manipulate him. Why he lets her walk all over him. Why does he allow it? He’s the King of Hell. He could inflict numerous tortures on her with the snap of his fingers but he does not. When he’s with her he understands. There are a number of reasons why he clings to the hope that his mother will change. When it boils down to it he’s just lonely. He’s the King of Hell. He only has enemies or colleagues. No friends. The Winchesters are not friends. Castiel is not a friend even though Crowley may forget that. Castiel is an angel of the Lord. He could strike him down without a moments notice. The Winchesters are hunters. He’s simply a tool. A means to an end. He is a last resort. Maybe he doesn’t want to be that. Maybe he wants to be able to help. Be good for what it’s worth. Be useful without the constant looking over his shoulder just in case the boys decide that the novelty has grown old.

 

Rowena. His mother. She’s lonely too. The difference is he’s willing to accept companionship. If anyone offers her company she’ll simply kill it. Friendship is terrifying for her. It was for him once. He’s never had a friend. Not a true friend. When he was human he had his drunken pals. That’s what they were. Drunken pals. He was still lonely. His drinking was a high. A spark of happiness. When he became a demon he was overjoyed to not feel emotion. He quickly realised that this was not the case. He may be colder and more perceptive but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t crave some basic human needs. He’s come to understand this better now and he hates it.

 

His title he has come to despise. When he rose from the bodies and the ashes of the fallen to claim a bloody throne he had truly made it. He thought that he was the King of the World. That this was all he needed. Power. Lackeys. Control. With the claiming of the throne he had control of Hell and ultimately he had control over himself. For once he had felt that he was able to control something in his miserable life. The title should have brought him happiness. It came as a comfort for a while but then that wasn’t enough. He began to resent everything and everyone. Demons are not good companions. They are not trustworthy. They are worthless. **He** is worthless. 

 

Dean Winchester. Pictures of him are still littered throughout his phone. A demonic Winchester turned out to be a Hell of a riot. A good riot. Sure they didn’t accomplish anything. They just went from bar to bar, place to place, woman to woman. That was okay. That was fun. That is what he needed.  Dean was everything that Crowley needed. Crowley needed the banter, the companionship and mostly someone who liked him. Dean liked him.  The feeling of being liked was overwhelming for Crowley. He didn’t want to let it go. Only when things started going South with Dean that he knew he could not keep what he had wanted for so long.  If he wanted to be a friend then calling  Sam was the right thing to do.  Letting him go was hard. Being lonely again was hard. He didn’t want to  feel like this. He didn’t want to feel.

 

He loves his mother. He forgives his mother. He hates his mother.  He hates her because she’s destroying herself. He hates  her  because he’s reaching out to her and offering what she wants but she’s too scared to take it. Instead she finds a way to convince herself that what she really needs is power. A throne per say.  **His** throne.  He hates her because she is like him.  Yet he loves her and forgives  her. For all of her faults he understands her. He knows that she needs company but she’s too damaged to take it.  It breaks his heart. Well, figuratively.  She’s damaged goods and in ways he blames himself for that. If it were not for his birth would his father had stayed?  She thought about this too. Deep down he knew that his father would have still left but he still felt a pang of guilt. Looking at his mother now she seems empty. He blames himself for that. Letting her use him is almost repaying a debt. A debt of his birth. 

 

The manipulation doesn’t come without its perks though. She at least shows that she likes him. He feels wanted. That’s enough for him. However, he is aware of what she is capable of. She’s tricked him already. She’s becoming dangerous. He knows that she isn’t good for him but then no one is. 

**Author's Note:**

> I love Rowena and Crowley because they're both so similar. I'll be writing something for Rowena soon because I think that there is a hell of a lot of bs Rowena has been put through. I also have a theory that she knows the British Men Of Letters. Just a theory but I'm interested.


End file.
